


Absence

by IrinyaClockworker



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Loneliness, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 06:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19167352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrinyaClockworker/pseuds/IrinyaClockworker
Summary: Kurapika is gone.Leorio is left behind to deal with the silence, until it is broken.





	Absence

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't tried writing from Leorio's perspective at all yet... I hope it's good. For some reason, it's harder to get into his mindset. You'd think Kurapika would be harder, since he's so closed off...

Kurapika is gone.

This is nothing new. He's often gone, off chasing down the Phantom Troupe, hunting for his family's eyes. Leorio can't begrudge him that. It's important to him, just as becoming a doctor is important to Leorio. It's ironic, in a way. They've both lost something important, but Leorio wants to save people because of it, while Kurapika wants to kill people. 

He worries about Kurapika, a lot. It'd help if they kept in touch at all, but no matter how many texts he sends, how many calls he makes, Kurapika never responds. At this point, it's just him sending voicemails in which he talks about what's been going on for him and Killua and Gon. There's not much else he can do. He doesn't even know if Kurapika ever listens to them.

After a while, he stops hoping that Kurapika will answer. There's no point in just disappointing himself. 

After a while, the one-sided conversations start to be filled in. He can practically hear Kurapika's sardonic responses, with that tiny thread of wryness in each word to let Leorio know that he isn't entirely serious. It's true that he says a lot of things that sound cold or even downright cruel, but Leorio doesn't mind as much as he once had. He's seen the Kurta's softer side many times, and knows that his colder side stems mostly from the pain he's in. That's no excuse, but it makes it easier to understand, to remember that he doesn't really mean what he says.

This is probably from that pain, too. The way he's isolating himself, refusing to reach out to anyone... He's making himself suffer alone. Leorio doesn't understand why, but he knows Kurapika can be a stubborn bastard when he wants to be, and won't change his mind about things like that so easily.

And after a while, he starts to give up entirely.

Why would he do anything else? What's the point in having any hope at all? He doesn't even know if Kurapika is alive. For all he knows, his calls aren't being answered because there's no one left to answer them, because Kurapika finally pushed himself too hard, ran into a fight he couldn't win, or...

Or maybe he gave in to his pain. 

He doesn't want to consider that option. Kurapika wouldn't do that. Right? He'd never give up, not when his goal is so important to him.

He's almost certainly alive, anyway. He wouldn't let himself go down so easily. Leorio has to believe that.

(He dreams, sometimes, about a frighteningly small figure with blond hair and blood coating his body, empty eye sockets, lifeless. He dreams about pulling back a sheet in a hospital and seeing that familiar face, pale and still, unable to smile or scowl ever again. He dreams about Kurapika being gone for good, and wakes up in a cold sweat, wondering why the idea cuts so deep.)

Kurapika will come back eventually. Even if it takes years, when he's finished with his task, he'll come back. That's certain, isn't it?

He'll keep telling himself that, until it happens. And for the time being, he'll stop waiting for Kurapika to contact him. It will happen when Kurapika is ready.

That time comes sooner than he ever expected.

 

When his phone rings at 1 AM, he almost doesn't bother to answer it. No--he lets it ring for a long time, and then finally, tiredly fumbles for his glasses and takes a look at the number on the screen. He doesn't recognize it, and once again, he considers not answering it. Who could it possibly be at this hour, anyway?

The thought flashes through his mind for only a moment, before he shakes his head and dismisses it. There's no point in giving that hope any time. 

Still, his hands shake as he answers.

 

There's a long silence, punctuated by heavy, uneven breaths on the other end of the line, and he very nearly hangs up, before finally thinking better of it.

"Hello?" he starts, and hears the breathing stop for a moment.

When the person on the other end speaks, it's in a voice that sends Leorio's mind back to Yorknew, what feels like so long ago.

"...Leorio?" Kurapika asks haltingly, and Leorio almost cries from relief.

"Kurapika," he replies a little too eagerly. "Holy shit. I can't believe you're actually--Where have you _been?_ Why haven't you said anything until now?"

Kurapika's breathing hitches, and--is he _crying?_

"Kurapika, are you okay?"

"...Just keep talking," he whispers. "Please. Keep talking to me."

He sounds so desperate, so hurt, and Leorio doesn't know what else to do but acquiesce. 

 

He talks to Kurapika for a long time, about whatever he wants--about Gon, and Killua and Alluka, about his studies, about this girl he met that he thinks he might be interested in--and he most emphatically does _not_ say how much she reminds him of Kurapika. There's been nothing but silence between them for so long--Kurapika has missed so much, so Leorio has a lot to talk about. The clock's hands rotate once, twice, three times, before he finally runs out of things to say.

By the time he's finished, Kurapika seems to be a little bit calmer. There's been the occasional choked sob cutting into Leorio's heart, and he's barely responded to anything, but his breathing, growing slowly steadier on the other end of the line, reassures Leorio that he's still there, he's still listening.

"Thank you," he finally whispers, his voice still a little bit shaky. "I... needed that."

Leorio can't help but worry. Of course he can't. "Kurapika, are you all right? Did something happen? Are you hurt?"

"No." Kurapika takes a deep, ragged breath, and when he speaks again there's a despair in his voice that belies his words. "I'm not hurt."

He doesn't answer the first two questions, and Leorio's heart sinks. "Kurapika..."

"...It's fine. I'm fine." Leorio doesn't need any nen abilities to know that that's a lie. He can still hear the pain in each word. But what can he do? If Kurapika doesn't want to talk to him, then he won't. That's just how he is.

"Kurapika, please," he tries anyway. "Everyone's worried about you."

There's a long pause, and no response. Leorio can't suppress a sigh.

"I'm here if you need me," he whispers, and the silence returns.

He starts to think that Kurapika's fallen asleep, and he's about to hang up when the silence is broken.

"Leorio," Kurapika asks, slowly, "do you hate me?"

"What?" The word is unthinking, an instinctive response to a question that, to him, is the height of obliviousness. "Do I--No! Of course I don't! Kurapika, I could never hate you!"

The laugh on the other end of the line is cold, bitter, and painful to hear, and the word that follows it is even worse, saturated with spite and misery.

"Liar."

_Click._

 

He's left staring at his phone for an amount of time he can't quantify, and a shadow creeps over his heart. Is it really so pointless to keep trying? Is that really what Kurapika thinks, how he feels?

Knowing it's no use, he dials the number again, and waits, listening to the interminable ringing.

But Kurapika never answers.


End file.
